Pirates without Mothers

I’ve been absent for a while– trying to focus on writing ūüôā but I thought I’d post a little excerpt from one of the episodes I’ve been working on. Nothing fancy…just Hook and some of the other pirates discussing their woes about being ‘Motherless.’


Two quick notes:

  1. The word mother is capitalized throughout because in this case I’m using ‘mother’ as more of an¬†idea¬†than a person…
  2. The beginning scene is largely transcribed from JM Barrie’s original work, which I then took in a slightly different direction from the original. A big part of the reason I want to make this a TV show and not a movie is the opportunity to really expand on the central character’s lives and motivations that Barrie hinted at,¬†especially¬†the complexities of Captain Jas. Hook of¬†The Jolly Roger


Check out the pdf here:

Motherless Pirates


“Hook’s Mother”

Lately I’ve been working on Episode Two of The Gay Adventures. Hook has just come face-to-face with Wendy, and although she’s roughly 30 years younger than him, she is the first “female” he’s seen in two hundred years, and he immediately projects all his ideas of¬†Mother onto her.¬†

Unable to return to or even fully remember his real mother, Hook is desperate to get Wendy to fill the void his real mother never filled.

This episode is not only inspired by text from the book¬†Peter & Wendy, but also my research into JM Barrie’s own past, and his eternal quest to get love from his mother which she never¬†quite¬†gave him.

[note: within the script I’ve capitalized the word ‘mother’ every time, since it’s representing the IDEA of Mother, rather than a specific person.]

Check out the first few scenes here [which includes excerpts from Barrie’s writing]:

“Hook’s Mother” – beginning of episode


Proper “Indian Names” for White People

Since white people always seem to want to be Native American, even to the extent of wearing headbands or announcing at every party they go to that they’re 2/87ths Cherokee, I thought I’d help out.

Blake Lively: part “Cherokee”

Here are some names to consider [for WHITE PEOPLE ONLY!!!!]. Please pick the one that suits your spirit animal best:

  • Bird that Falls off Branch
  • Bird that Sings off Key
  • Bird that Poops on Clean Car
  • Chair with Three Legs
  • White Man
  • Slug that Slimes upon the Leaves
  • He Who Takes Land of Others & Kills Everyone


Finding Neverland

Did you know that the movie Finding Neverland was super inaccurate to the real story? Yes, it’s a movie (and if you enjoyed said movie, good for you). But I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m about to shatter your comfortable illusion:

The change that bothered me the most was the fake relationship they gave Barrie & Peter.

In the movie, they had a deep, meaningful relationship, and Peter was an aspiring playwright who helped Barrie realize his vision.


ghjghIn real life, Peter was a baby when Barrie was writing the play, he hated the fact that the main character was named after him, believed that Barrie got between his parents and tore his family apart, and eventually threw himself in front of a train. ghnfg

Honestly, I don’t know why they didn’t use the fascinating truth for their PG family flick. Oh well, more truth for me! Truth is so rarely used, there’s always plenty to go around.

Peter & John

Within The Gay Adventures, Peter & John are two people who annoy the hell out of each other, whose relationship eventually blossoms into an awkward prepubescent romance. Together, they will be living proof that opposites repulse and infuriate, but also kind of intrigue, attract, and obnoxiously force you to grow if you stick it out.


Sample Scene, Peter & Wendy [with minor changes]

PETER:  Would you like an adventure now, John, or would you like to have your tea first?

JOHN:¬† What…What kind of adventure?

PETER:  There’s a pirate asleep in his pajamas just beyond that tree.  If you like, we’ll go and kill him.

NARRATOR:¬† John looked, but he didn’t see anyone.

JOHN:¬† I don’t see anyone.

PETER:  I do.

JOHN:¬† Suppose…he were to wake up.

PETER:¬† You don’t think I would kill him while he was sleeping!¬† I would wake him first and then kill him.¬† That’s the way I always do.

Peter waits impatiently.

PETER:¬† (cont’d)¬† Well?¬† What do you say, John?

JOHN:  (after a moment)  Tea, please.


Sample Scene, The Gay Adventures

NARRATOR:¬† Peter and John were making out.¬† It was nice, thought Peter, to make out with someone like John.¬† For one thing, he was attracted to John, and that caused sexual arousal.¬† If there had been something else, he couldn’t remember.¬† It was nice, thought John, to make out with someone like Peter.¬† Peter is kinda cool.¬† Plus, he tastes like pine needles.¬†cThat’s when Peter broke away.

PETER:  I have a confession.

JOHN:  What is it?

Peter looks down at his hands.

PETER:¬† I’m attracted to you.

JOHN:¬† (taken aback)¬† Oh.¬† That’s fine.¬† I think I knew that, anyway.

PETER:¬† Really?¬† You don’t think that’s gay or anything?


JOHN:  What?

NARRATOR:¬† John was taken aback.¬† He had always known that he wasn’t gay, but to hear his boyfriend say that he might be was concerning.