Pirates without Mothers

I’ve been absent for a while– trying to focus on writing 🙂 but I thought I’d post a little excerpt from one of the episodes I’ve been working on. Nothing fancy…just Hook and some of the other pirates discussing their woes about being ‘Motherless.’

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Two quick notes:

  1. The word mother is capitalized throughout because in this case I’m using ‘mother’ as more of an idea than a person…
  2. The beginning scene is largely transcribed from JM Barrie’s original work, which I then took in a slightly different direction from the original. A big part of the reason I want to make this a TV show and not a movie is the opportunity to really expand on the central character’s lives and motivations that Barrie hinted at, especially the complexities of Captain Jas. Hook of The Jolly Roger

 

Check out the pdf here:

Motherless Pirates

 

Close your Eyes and Think of England

Please note that the post I had planned (a short description and historical context for the phrase above, and then a classy segue into talking about The Gay Adventures, did not end up happening. Instead, it became a rather long segment about gender inequality, and my experience as a trans person, seeing gender bias from both sides of the fence.

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Close your eyes and think of England is an old “reference to unwanted sexual intercourse – specifically advice to an unwilling wife when sexually approached by her husband.”

To me, this is horrifying. I was socialized female, and I honestly don’t believe I’ll ever completely get over the multitude of misogynistic and often conflicting messages I received about how women apparently feel (or “should” feel) about sex, sexuality, and specifically sex with men.

  • I learned—in a thousand subtle and not-so-subtle ways—that women did not or should not like sex or pleasure…and if she does, she is a slut.
  • I learned that men cannot—and should not be expected to—control themselves around women.
  • I learned that a woman dressing or dancing a certain way—or even existing—makes unwanted sexual advances, or even RAPE “understandable” or “excusable.”
  • I learned that women want to have sex with men
  • I learned that, during sex, it is the woman’s job to please the man, first and foremost, and if he has time he might try to reciprocate
  • I learned (mostly from women) that many men either don’t understand, don’t care to understand, or believe they already know how a woman’s body works or what she likes
  • I learned society and our legal system is set up to be distrustful towards women who come forward about sexual abuse
  • I learned that it was the wife’s “duty” to lie back and think of England if she doesn’t want sex but her husband does
  • I learned that women don’t necessarily know that they “want it”
  • I learned that saying “no” is somehow not clear communication that of discomfort with the sexual situation. In fact, shouting “no” and actively struggling and fighting back is often not enough
  • I learned that a woman should feel grateful/special to be “claimed” by a man
  • I learned that it’s somehow romantic when a man simply “can’t keep his hands off” her. Or when he follows her, grabs her roughly without her consent, watches her sleep without her knowing, or peruses her relentlessly dispute constant rejection.
    • This, of course, communicates a deeper message that women don’t know what they want, and therefore women are unintelligent, foolish, flighty, and apt to change their minds at the drop of a hat.
  • I learned that women love that chase, and verbal or physical rejection is merely an invitation to try harder
  • I learned that women’s bodies are not their own, but are owned by men, through:
    • The origins of marriage as the woman becoming the man’s property, including forsaking her own name for his, and wearing white to symbolize her virginity
    • Men thinking it’s fine for them to just come up and touch you

…and so much more. If many of these ideas seem old-fashioned, perhaps we should be asking ourselves why they are still so prevalent in our culture. Just musing here, but maybe that’s a PROBLEM. close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england

“This is recorded in the 1912 journal of Lady Hillingdon:

‘When I hear his steps outside my door I lie down on my bed, open my legs and think of England.’ “

Lady Hillingdon, I’m sorry.

So why am I posting about this? First of all, because it’s important. In relation to The Gay Adventures, however, the phrase ‘close your eyes and think of England,’ got me thinking about Captain Hook. The phrase was born in the era of Queen Victoria, (and often attributed to her), and James Hook would want nothing more than to be a loyal subject.

quote-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england-queen-victoria-91-90-74To Hook, the equivalent of unwanted sex would be sex with a woman. Pretending to be straight. Pretending that was what he wanted, what he was attracted to…and trying to shut out the unwanted thoughts which disclosed his true desires.

I’d like to write a Scene with Captain Hook and Smee, where Hook uses this phrase in his own way. However, Smee is unfamiliar with the saying, gets confused, and then he and Hook attempt together to understand it.

One of the ways I get inspired to write is by taking something simple that already exists (like a phrase, a Patron Saint, or Pickleball), and then take it and twist it into a different context or meaning.

The way I currently have The Gay Adventures written, the cast is primarily male. I believe I wrote it that way because I identify as male and crave the a male community. But I often reflect and think about the disproportionate representation of men within media, and what my role is within that.

For the longest time I was running from all things ‘female.’ I didn’t want to hear about it, I didn’t want to think about it, I even harbored a resentment towards women for a while, somehow blaming them for my being socialized as the wrong gender.

Now that I’m working through those thoughts and feelings, I find my anger towards what women have to go through on a daily basis growing exponentially, and I hope to become a very strong ally. I’ve grown to deeply appreciate my unique perspective into what it feels like to be treated as a woman from birth, and on a daily basis. I believed I was less intelligent and competent that those around him. I was dismissed more easily. I wasn’t listened to. I found it harder to speak up. My space was invaded regularly.

It’s an ugly truth, but a truth nonetheless, that a privileged group is more likely to listen to someone they perceive as one of their own. Part of the reason it’s so fucking annoying to be female is because when you try to tell men what you’re up against, they tend to pat you on the head and inform you that you don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know your own experience. They know what you go through better than you do. All that pesky gender inequality is over and done with now. Men saw to that. Men saw that women were being fussy about “rights” and silly things like that and they stepped in and fixed it for the girls.

Essentially, I plan to use my “passing” privilege to talk to men as a man, and tell them that gender inequality is NOT in women’s heads. Of course, I shouldn’t attempt to speak for women either. But I can speak truthfully about the experience of being seen as female, treated as female.

So I implore all those who believe that gender inequality is either “over,” or “not as bad as women think,” to no longer lie back and think of England. Ignoring the problem will not make it go away.

So sit up, and open your eyes.

“Hook’s Mother”

Lately I’ve been working on Episode Two of The Gay Adventures. Hook has just come face-to-face with Wendy, and although she’s roughly 30 years younger than him, she is the first “female” he’s seen in two hundred years, and he immediately projects all his ideas of Mother onto her

Unable to return to or even fully remember his real mother, Hook is desperate to get Wendy to fill the void his real mother never filled.

This episode is not only inspired by text from the book Peter & Wendy, but also my research into JM Barrie’s own past, and his eternal quest to get love from his mother which she never quite gave him.

[note: within the script I’ve capitalized the word ‘mother’ every time, since it’s representing the IDEA of Mother, rather than a specific person.]

Check out the first few scenes here [which includes excerpts from Barrie’s writing]:

“Hook’s Mother” – beginning of episode

 

Complete Honesty!!!!

As I mentioned in a previous post, I don’t know what I’m doing. Now I’m going to get a little more real:

I’m a huge introvert, and part of that means that it’s really hard for me to post things online, especially something which seems self-serving (like promoting a TV project). I’m afraid that everyone will hate me and think my writing is terrible, and believe it or not, that doesn’t sound appealing.

So why do I have a website? Well, because I really love writing, I really, really love this project, and I really want to make something happen with this if at all possible. But I’m still learning how.

So here’s what I’m planning to do: Share my writing process and what I’m working on BEFORE IT’S PERFECT. I guess that’s necessary, because nothing is ever perfect. But I want so badly to be perfect, (not unlike Captain Hook).

Long story short, I won’t ever feel like what I do is good enough, so I might as well share my “shitty first drafts,” and even my shitty second drafts!

I want to invite you into my process, rather than focus on product. It may be slow going, because it’s not really in my nature to post what feels very private. But it’s also really important to me to share, because I do want to make something of this, and at the moment I feel very isolated.

I’m trying to find a community of writers, as well as connect more with the queer community, and—of course—queer writers.

With that in mind, here’s something I’ve been working on:

As a queer person, it’s not unusual to have struggled with depression or suicidal thoughts. I certainly have. Because of that, I have what I like to call an “intimate relationship” with Death. We’re on speaking terms. A first-name basis.  We sometimes meet for tea and scones. Conversing with Death

I’ve always thought that death is something not to be afraid of, but to be curious about. Death is a very curious thing, and something we will never understand fully.

To make sure I’m not confusing anyone, within The Gay Adventures, Neverland is a type of purgatory, full of queer people who have murdered or committed suicide.

I know, I know…it sounds cliché. Ever since Lost, it’s been a big trend to have the super-mega-twist be “And they were dead the whole time!” It’s become so common that it’s not surprising anymore. Parks & Rec could very well have ended that way.

But for the story I want to tell, and how I want to tell it, it actually makes sense for them to have been dead the whole time. So I’m not going to change that plot point. I will, however, change HOW the story is told.

First off, it’s a comedy instead of a drama. A comedy which takes death seriously, but doesn’t take humans too seriously.

Second, within the first few episodes the audience will probably pick up on the fact that they’re dead. It’s never going to be a secret (or “What a twist!”). What will make the show interesting to watch is the character arcs and relationships, as well as the unique perspective of observing the behavior of someone you know is dead, but who himself is unaware of that fact.

One of the topics that fascinates me within the show is: what happens when the characters inevitably suspect and later realize they’re dead? How did they react? What do they do? How do their priorities change? Does it immobilize or motivate them?

This, of course, got me thinking about what might do if I suddenly noticed I was dead.

I started writing an intimate scene between Hook and Smee, after they know they’re dead. I don’t mean intimate in a romantic or sexual way, I mean intimate in an emotionally exposed way. What’s more intimate than being honest with someone, especially concerning the things you fear? And no one’s better at being afraid than Captain Hook.

A scene like this would not happen until much later in the series:

EXT. PIRATE SHIP DECK – DAY

The sun sets on the horizon. Hook stands, straight-backed, watching the sun disappear. Smee approaches, and stands by his side.

HOOK: I’m afraid, Smee.

SMEE: Afraid of what, Captain?

HOOK: And if there’s nothing? Nothing at all?

SMEE: What do you mean, Captain?

HOOK: After this? Suppose we just go to sleep and then…nothing? Only darkness.

Smee comes to Hook and puts a hand on his shoulder. Hook doesn’t move away.

SMEE: I don’t think it’ll be so bad, Captain. Look what you got the first time.

HOOK: What did I get, Smee?

SMEE: Sandy beaches! Beautiful sunsets! (then) Me.

HOOK: No, Smee. I got mildew. Pythons. Just more uncertainty.

SMEE: Think of it this way, Captain: if what comes to you after your after-death is nothing, there will be no more uncertainty.

Brief silence.

HOOK: No more uncertainty…

***

Within the series, I’m not, nor will I ever be trying to provide answers. What I will be supplying are questions and wonderings, because I have a lot of those.

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Smee Smew

Once upon a time, when I was looking for pictures on Google Images for people who looked more or less like the characters I was seeing in my head, I simply could not find anyone who looked like Smee!

This was surprising, since my picture of him was similar to the “Smee”s I’d seen in the movies. But nothing I found felt quite right.

That’s when I stumbled upon Lars: a man who embodied Smee not only in face & beard, but in spirit:

erger

This sweet, ginger-haired man jumped into freezing Norwegian waters to save a duck which was trapped under the ice.

noruega-e1539303999523.jpgerger (2)

I asked myself, what kind of person would do that?

Well, Lars, of course, but also…Smee.

A large part of what defines Smee’s character is that he’s the type who would help others before himself, almost to a fault. It’s why he’s put up with Captain Hook’s antics for so long with a smile on his face.

And part of what draws Smee to the Captain is that Hook is, in many ways, a duck trapped under ice. The only difference is, a duck knows when it’s drowning, and Hook doesn’t.

But the similarities didn’t stop there!

On a completely separate occasion, I was looking up if the word “smee” meant anything. It wouldn’t have surprised me if JM Barrie gave him that name for a reason, and since those who arrive in Neverland don’t remember their own names, I needed that reason.

Well, I’m not sure if the one I found was the one Barrie intended, but I did discover that a ‘Smee’ or ‘Smew’ is a type of duck not dissimilar to the one Lars saved:

Smew_duck_ma

Wouldn’t it be beautiful if Smee was nameless for longer than average in Neverland (because no one cared enough to name him), until one day he saw a duck struggling in the water—trapped somehow—and jumped in fully clothed to rescue it, without a second thought?

Smee_parrot_crop

 

Then, of course, he would be named after the type of duck he saved, and keep it as a pet and let it ride on his shoulder.

 

Naturally, Hook would disapprove, since the proper pirate shoulder decoration is a parrot.

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If this isn’t classy, I don’t know what is

Character Sketches

My friend drew these, which was so wonderful! If there is any question if I drew them or not, visit my Meaning of Life blog & you will see that I definitively CANNOT DRAW.

 

Peter for Website
Peter Pan

 

“I don’t believe I ever make promises. I certainly don’t keep them…”

 

 

 

Hook for Website
Captain Hook

 

John for Website
John Darling

 

Wendy for Website
Wendy Darling

 

Smee for Website
Smee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“My subconscious is none of your business.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t wear my pajamas more often than most people; I just happened to be wearing them when you kidnapped me.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“No, I don’t know where we are, John, but I’m pretty sure there’s not a phone handy.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I find it very classy of you, Captain, to formally threaten Peter before kidnapping his newest recruit and holding him hostage.”

 

Tigerlily for Website
Tigerlily

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Shut up, I’m helping you.”