Finding Neverland

Did you know that the movie Finding Neverland was super inaccurate to the real story? Yes, it’s a movie (and if you enjoyed said movie, good for you). But I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m about to shatter your comfortable illusion:

The change that bothered me the most was the fake relationship they gave Barrie & Peter.

In the movie, they had a deep, meaningful relationship, and Peter was an aspiring playwright who helped Barrie realize his vision.

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ghjghIn real life, Peter was a baby when Barrie was writing the play, he hated the fact that the main character was named after him, believed that Barrie got between his parents and tore his family apart, and eventually threw himself in front of a train. ghnfg

Honestly, I don’t know why they didn’t use the fascinating truth for their PG family flick. Oh well, more truth for me! Truth is so rarely used, there’s always plenty to go around.

In My Wildest Dreams…

…wouldn’t Samuel Barnett make a brilliant gay Smee? maxresdefault

If anyone reading this happens to be a close personal friend of his, please tell him to call me.

That would be just swell.

 

Not only is he a hilarious actor who’s also able to do deep, emotional scenes, but I can just picture him being at Hook’s side no matter what, ready with a fresh cup of tea or a word of encouragement which falls upon deaf ears.

Samuel also happens to be queer (or however he identifies), and interested in social justice. If it turned out he could spit rainbows, it would almost be TOO perfect.

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Is this gay? Yes, it is gay.

 

#MakeSamSmee

#IDon’tHaveATwitterAccount

#MaybeIShouldGetOne

Samuel_Morse
This is not Samuel Barnett; This is Samuel Morse, a man with a beard

The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

A special thanks to Veggie Tales for being awesome.

I was first introduced to Veggie Tales by my roommate in college, and I never looked back. By far my favorite segment is Silly Songs with Larry, and by far my favorite Silly Song is the pirates who don’t do anything.

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As if I didn’t already love the song enough, it reminds me of Captain Hook and his bedraggled crew.

It’s disturbing how our society stereotypes pirates as people who went out and got things done. What of the pirates who prefer to just stay home and lie around?

 

Excerpt, The Gay Adventures:

NARRATOR:  Hook was a very brave man. Perhaps not in the traditional sense, but when you fear as many things as he does, you are brave to even get out of bed in the morning.

HOOK:  I am staying in bed today, Smee.

SMEE:   I don’t think so, Captain.  C’mon, up-and-at-’em!

HOOK:  At whom?

Smee rolls Hook out of bed and he ends up on the hard floor, wrapped so tightly in the blankets he can’t escape.

HOOK:  (muffled) As usual, Smee, you have somehow managed to make a bad situation worse.

SMEE:  Will you be taking your tea on the floor today, Captain?

 

Hook & Smee – a very strange & slightly unhealthy love story

Hook and Smee are “the old married couple” who refuse to admit they act as such. Smee desperately wants acknowledgment, approval, and love from Hook, and Hook wants Smee to leave him alone. Ultimately, however, Hook is the one who would lose the most if the relationship were to end. Not only does he depend on Smee for everything from a wake-up call to a nightcap, he is used to Smee’s constant validation and emotional support, which he fervently insists he does not need.

I think the movie Love Actually said it best when Billy Mac told his “fat manager”–

“It’s a terrible, terrible mistake…but you turned out to be the fucking love of my life.”

Hook & Smee have been unspoken life partners for over 100 years now. But even so, Hook would NEVER admit that he needs Smee, because Smee is his underling. Even worse, Smee is kind and helpful and shows his emotions, three traits Hook absolutely despises.

So, to sum up: Smee wants to Hook to fill the void of romantic love in his life, and Hook wants Smee to fill the void of parental love in his life. Not only are they looking outside of themselves for the validation that they are, indeed, lovable, but they crave two entirely different things from each other.

HOWEVER, Hook’s complete lack of respect for Smee slowly allows him to open up and show his insecurities as one might confess secrets to an inanimate object.

And SMEE, who has lusted after many an “un-gettable” man has found in Hook someone who needs to be cared for in the way Smee does best: unconditionally.

***

Scene Sample, The Gay Adventures

INT. PIRATE SHIP/HOOK’S CABIN – DAY

Early morning light fights it’s way through a gap in the thick curtains. Hook sleeps fitfully with his left fist clutching a golden pocket watch, which TICKS loudly.

A chipper knock on the door. Hook twitches.

Smee bustles in. He sets an elaborate yet mismatched tea tray and a wrinkled newspaper on the bedside table. Hesitates, then leans over Hook, their faces almost touching.

SMEE:  Captain…Captain…Wake up, Captain…

Hook stirs.

HOOK:  Mother…?

Smee brushes a strand of hair from Hook’s sweaty brow.

SMEE:  Captain? Would you like your tea now?

Hook wakes with a jolt.  Smee quickly withdraws his hand.

SMEE:  (CONT’D) Would you like your tea now, Captain?

Hook looks Smee up and down with disdain.

HOOK:  Why, Smee, are you dressed in pajamas?

SMEE:  You too, Captain, are in your pajamas.

HOOK:  (after a moment) Yes, but I am in bed.

They stare at each other, neither willing to admit he is dressed inappropriately for the situation.

Why Peter hates Hook

He doesn’t.

But he does love playing with Hook (fighting Hook) as a distraction from the traumas within his own mind he doesn’t want to deal with.

Peter constantly seeks novelty, fun, and adventure. The question is, why? Part of the reason is that he’s a child and that’s what he loves to do. He hasn’t had his creativity wrung out of him yet.

But without going into too much detail, Peter also has a plethora of unpleasant memories which he has ENTIRELY BLOCKED OUT. He’s blocked them out so thoroughly that he legitimately forgot he did so. In order to keep that wall up he has to keep running. Stay distracted. And Captain Hook is just one of the many ways Peter does this.

Why Hook hates Peter

An English gentleman turned pirate captain doesn’t swear vengeance against a flying child out of the blue.

My theory is than Hook has several compelling reasons for despising Peter, but he is not consciously aware of any of them.

The most important reason Hook hates Peter is: Hook hates himself.

In The Gay Adventures, we delve into who these people were BEFORE Neverland, and why they are the way they are. James (Hook before he became Hook), never felt loved or ‘seen’ by his parents. This segment of his past will be based off of JM Barrie’s own relationship with his mother. Barrie spent his who life trying to bring his mother Margaret out of the depression she sunk into when her son David died. And he NEVER got from her what he ultimately wanted.

The character of Hook has a similar void which has never been filled. And since he never felt loved by his mother, he is convinced that he himself is ultimately unlovable.

He was also raised in an uptight 19th century British household which specialized in psychological repression.  Peter symbolizes the freedom and fun of childhood which Hook never experienced. Instead of now allowing himself to relax, he’s put all his energy into squelching the joy of others.

This is not an uncommon practice. Look around you, and you’ll find more Captain Hooks than you can throw jelly beans at.

 

Hook hates Peter because: Peter wins.

Peter almost always outsmarts Hook, partially because he allows himself to be flexible and creative. Hook never likes to be bested, but being bested by an 11-year-old in tights is almost more than he can handle.

 

Hook hates Peter because: Peter is a child.

Hook also can’t fathom that Peter doesn’t listen to “reason” or the authority which is adulthood. In Hook’s mind, adults should be obeyed no matter what, and he truly believes he’s doing Peter a favor by trying to teach him this valuable life lesson.

In conjunction with this: Hook hates Peter because he believes Peter has no cares or worries. He’s wrong–dead wrong–but he simply doesn’t think it’s FAIR that he suffers constant internal and self-inflicted torment while Peter doesn’t.

 

In the end, Peter is Hook’s “shadow self,” embodying everything which Hook doesn’t allow himself to be, and nothing in this world is more galling than someone you envy but don’t realize you do.

Peter & John

Within The Gay Adventures, Peter & John are two people who annoy the hell out of each other, whose relationship eventually blossoms into an awkward prepubescent romance. Together, they will be living proof that opposites repulse and infuriate, but also kind of intrigue, attract, and obnoxiously force you to grow if you stick it out.

***

Sample Scene, Peter & Wendy [with minor changes]

PETER:  Would you like an adventure now, John, or would you like to have your tea first?

JOHN:  What…What kind of adventure?

PETER:  There’s a pirate asleep in his pajamas just beyond that tree.  If you like, we’ll go and kill him.

NARRATOR:  John looked, but he didn’t see anyone.

JOHN:  I don’t see anyone.

PETER:  I do.

JOHN:  Suppose…he were to wake up.

PETER:  You don’t think I would kill him while he was sleeping!  I would wake him first and then kill him.  That’s the way I always do.

Peter waits impatiently.

PETER:  (cont’d)  Well?  What do you say, John?

JOHN:  (after a moment)  Tea, please.

***

Sample Scene, The Gay Adventures

NARRATOR:  Peter and John were making out.  It was nice, thought Peter, to make out with someone like John.  For one thing, he was attracted to John, and that caused sexual arousal.  If there had been something else, he couldn’t remember.  It was nice, thought John, to make out with someone like PeterPeter is kinda cool.  Plus, he tastes like pine needles. cThat’s when Peter broke away.

PETER:  I have a confession.

JOHN:  What is it?

Peter looks down at his hands.

PETER:  I’m attracted to you.

JOHN:  (taken aback)  Oh.  That’s fine.  I think I knew that, anyway.

PETER:  Really?  You don’t think that’s gay or anything?

Beat.

JOHN:  What?

NARRATOR:  John was taken aback.  He had always known that he wasn’t gay, but to hear his boyfriend say that he might be was concerning.